Definition of Parental Alienation (Dr. Amy Baker & Dr. William Bernet):
The definition of Parental Alienation is a mental condition in which a child, usually one whose parents are engaged in a high-conflict separation or divorce, allies him/herself strongly with one parent (the preferred parent) and rejects a relationship with the other parent (the alienated parent) without legitimate justification. PA features abnormal, maladaptive behavior (refusal to have a relationship with a loving parent) that is driven by an abnormal mental state (the false belief that the rejected parent is evil, dangerous, or unworthy of love).
Differentiating between Alienation and Estrangement (Dr. Amy Baker):
Dr. Baker says there are 4 questions to be asked to determine if a situation is simple estrangement or if it is parental alienation. The way it works is if you can answer “yes” to the first question then you move on to the second question and so on. If you can answer “yes” to all four questions then you have a very strong case for parental alienation.
1) Was there a prior good relationship between the child/children and the now rejected parent?
2) Is there absence of abuse or neglect on the part of the now rejected parent?
3) Is there evidence of the favored parent’s use of parental alienation strategies (detailed below)?
4) Does the child show manifestations of the Sign of Parental Alienation as defined by Dr. Richard Gardner (detailed below)?
Determining if a child has been abused:
Dr. Baker says that children who have been abused, really abused, by a parent that they are rejecting do not actually cut off the abusing parent, that is not a typical response for an abused child, rather they blame themselves. It is not in their worldview to really say, “my father must be abusive” it’s just not the way kids think. They do not eagerly broadcast how horrible and disgusting their parent is. It is a major breakthrough for abused kids in therapy to even admit they are abused, it is major work. They do not eagerly talk about it, they also do not talk about it so blithely such as “well you know, I was abused”, it’s much more connected to real feelings. Kids who are really abused do not deny positive aspects of the relationship. Kids who are struggling in an abusive relationship with a parent do not tend to worship the other parent and they don’t reject the extended family. In fact, the fastest growing form of foster care in this country (Canada) is kinship foster care. The vast majority of abused kids are being taken care of by the parents of the abusive parents. Why is this, because the child welfare system thinks it is a good thing, the kids want to have a relationship with their family and it is much more typical of an abused child. Only in alienation do you see the cutting off of the entire set of people who know and love the targeted parent.
Signs of Manifestation of Parental Alienation (Dr. Richard Gardner with supporting info from Dr. Amy Baker and Dr. Larry Waterman):
1) Campaign of Denigration
Description: The child erases history. There is a completely negative view of the alienated parent, “everything dad does is bad”. And the children are eager to broadcast how bad the alienated parent is. Parents who were once loved and valued seemingly overnight become hated and feared. The Campaign of Denigration is all inclusive, all of a sudden there’s nothing of value in the targeted parent and the child behaves as though there never was a meaningful relationship. If you show these children a photo or video of a happy moment or time they will say things like “it was fake” or “we were just doing what dad made us do”.
2) Frivolous and Absurd reasons for the campaign
Description: The reasons the children will produce do not reach the level of explanation that would make sense in reality.
3) Lack of ambivalence about the alienating parent
Description: It is a truism of development that kids are naturally ambivalent and have mixed feeling towards everybody in their life. It is not normal for a kid to just adore every single aspect of a person especially a parent. A good parent is going to frustrate their kids sometimes, they are going to set limits, and they are going to disappoint their child. These children talk about the favored parent in exalted terms, they say things like “I love my mother to death” or “I worship my mother she’s my hero”.
4) Independent Thinker Phenomenon
Description: Kids will work very hard to convince you that they are thinking for themselves and are not under the influence of anybody else. According to Dr. Larry Waterman (Nanaimo, BC) the alienating parent will often claim that they want the child to have a relationship with the targeted parent but the child doesn’t want to. Dr. Waterman says it is a red flag if the alienating parent says that it is not fair to make a child do something like visit the targeted parent if they do not want to.
5) Absence of Guilt
Description: The kids treat the rejected parent really badly. The alienating parent is getting their children to break the targeted parent’s heart. They will always find a way to see the worst in the targeted parent and they will not see how harshly their behavior is affecting the targeted parent.
6) Automatic Reflexive Support for the Alienating Parent in any Inter-Parental Conflict
Description: The kids will blindly follow the alienating parent’s word and be unwilling to see the targeted parent’s validity at all. They have no allegiance or curiosity for the truth, they don’t want to know what the truth is.
7) Presence of Borrowed Scenarios
Description: The kids will make accusations and say things that feel very parroted, they will borrow ideas, words and phrases from the alienating parent and repeat it back. This is what gives the feeling of being very brainwashed, scripted or programmed. The children will talk or say things in a manner and use language that sounds or reads inauthentic for them.
8) Rejection of the Extended Family of the Targeted Parent
Description: The kids will completely, wholly and even brutally cut off contact with formerly loved grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins of the targeted parent.
The Three Levels of Parental Alienation
Mild 1 to 3 manifestations
Moderate 3 to 5 manifestations
Extreme 6 to 8 manifestation
17 Strategies Used by Favored/Alienating Parent to Create Alienation (Dr. Richard Gardner):
1) Badmouthing
2) Limiting Contact
3) Interfering with Communication
4) Interfering with Symbolic Communication
5) Withdrawal of Love
6) Telling Child Targeted Parent Does Not Love Them
7) Forcing Child to Choose
8) Creating the Impression that the Targeted Parent is Dangerous
9) Confiding in Child
10) Forcing Child to Reject Targeted Parent
11) Asking Child to Spy on Targeted Parent
12) Asking Child to Keep Secrets from Targeted Parent
13) Referring to Targeted Parent by First Name
14) Referring to a Stepparent as “Dad” and Encouraging Child to Do the Same
15) Withholding Medical, Academic and Other Information from Targeted Parent / Keeping Targeted Parent’s Name off of Medical, Academic and Other Relevant Documents
16) Changing Child’s Name to Remove Association with Targeted Parent
17) Cultivating Dependency
False Memory Syndrome
False memory syndrome describes a condition in which a person's identity and relationships are affected by memories that are factually incorrect but that they strongly believe. Peter J. Freyd originated the term, which the False Memory Syndrome Foundation subsequently popularized. The term is not recognized as a psychiatric illness in any of the medical manuals, such as the ICD-10 or the DSM-5Page 4 of 8 however, the principle that memories can be altered by outside influences is overwhelmingly accepted by scientists.
Summary:
Parental Alienation (PA) is a large and rapidly growing problem in both Canada and the USA. The vast majority of alienated or targeted parents are fathers and this is largely due to the court’s tendency to grant custody to mothers. Virtually every psychologist and psychiatrist who has done work on this declare that it is a severe form of child abuse. The most common effects of parental alienation on teens and older children include leaving school early (dropping out), risky sexual activity, drug use, unemployment and criminal activity.
Linda Gottlieb, LMFT, LCSW-R says It is my professional opinion that the language in the DSM 5, which precisely and unambiguously describes the characteristic family dynamic of the Parental Alienation, should have a significant impact on the diagnosis of this dysfunctional family interactional pattern, which is so detrimental to children. Not only is the dynamic unmistakably delineated in the DSM 5, the DSM went far beyond the hopes and expectations of the Parental Alienated-aware community in that it labeled this dynamic as resulting in “significant psychological harm to the child.” I have every hope and expectation that this will result in child protective investigations, just as they are undertaken for every other form of child abuse.
It is well documented by the experts whose work I used to compile this report and so many experts in the field that the effects of the abuse suffered by the children from PA can last well into adulthood. Children who were alienated from one of their parents have a higher rate of divorce in their own marriages thus following in the footsteps of their parents. Dr. Bernet claims that the alienating parent almost always suffers from some form of personality disorder such as, but not limited to, narcissism, anti-social and/or borderline personality disorder (see below for the signs and symptoms of all three disorders). Dr. Baker says that the attorney representing the alienating parent is often an active participant in the alienating of the children from the targeted parent. Many experts in the field are even pushing for the courts to consider PA as a criminal act.
As far as everyone’s suggestion to “just be patient” or “give them time, they’ll come around”, Linda Gottlieb points out that spontaneous reunifications are extremely rare and the long term damage to these children is significant. Alienation from a parent resulting from adversarial divorce is one of the seven Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs). The Adverse Childhood Experiences Study (ACE Study) is a research study conducted by the U.S. health maintenance organization Kaiser Permanente and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Participants were recruited to the study between 1995 and 1997 and have been in long-term follow up for health outcomes. The study has demonstrated an association of ACEs (aka childhood trauma) with health and social problems across the lifespan. Other studies on ACEs even state that these children are subject to premature death as adults. The CDC reports that five of the 10 leading causes of death that adults face today are associated with ACEs. Those five causes of death are heart disease, stroke, asthma, COPD and some cancers. Linda Gottlieb says that “alienation, when it exists, is child abuse of the worst kind” and that “[ACEs] cause a permanent restructuring of the brain for the worst like lack of empathy and if you don’t have empathy you don’t have guilt. And when you don’t have guilt…that saves us from being sociopaths”.
The law firm Russell-Alexander says on their website that “Alienation is almost always done by the parent with custody or primary care”. These children are not in any way capable of knowing what isPage 5 of 8 being done to them or what is in their best interest. Linda Gottlieb says weekly therapy between the children and the alienated parent does not work. She points to three programs that have outcome data from a specialized treatment approach, 1) Family Bridges Dr. Richard Warshak, 2) Family Reflection by Dr. Kathleen Reay (Canada) and 3) Turning Points for Families by Linda Gottlieb. These programs have virtually one hundred percent success rate of the children reconnecting with the alienated parent within the program time as long as the alienating parent is reformed. In cases where the children return to a non-reformed alienating parent the rate of relapse of alienation is one hundred percent. Linda Gottlieb also states that in the cases of non-abuse and non-neglect like this if the record is not corrected with the children then the children will grow up and experience the exact same PTSD as if they had been abused and neglected.
Strategy Going Forward:
Dr. Douglas Darnall talks a lot about what is required in how to fight this in the courts. Where alienation is suspected he emphatically stresses the need for a game plan and that “we have to be prepared to hit them hard and fast otherwise we are going to get nickle’d and dime’d to death”. Dr. Darnall explains that alienating parents, especially those suffering from a personality disorder, which Dr. Darnell corroborates that most are, when those alienating parents get stressed their pathology gets worse, it doesn’t get better. Dr. Darnell also says that when alienating parents have a personality disorder that “ironically you might be seeing the best of them at the time the decision is made to separate versus months or years later you start to see things that you never could have imagined in your ex-spouse”. Dr. Darnall says that one of the big frustrations is that we find ourselves in a stalemate. We have two opposing sides and nothing seems to be going anywhere. One of the things Dr. Darnall says he would really like to educate judges on is not allowing for frivolous continuances on cases, it is about the most damaging thing that can be done to children but it is so easy to happen.
References:
Dr. Amy Baker
Dr. Amy J. L. Baker is director of research at the Vincent J. Fontana Center for Child protection of the New York Foundling. Dr. Baker is the first author of a text book on child welfare research methods published by Columbia University Press. Dr. Baker is also the author or co-author of 50 academic articles. Dr. Baker is a nationally recognized expert in parent child relationships, especially children of divorce, parental alienation syndrome, and emotional abuse of children. Dr. Baker is available as an expert witness.
Dr. Richard Gardner
Dr. Richard Alan Gardner was an American child psychiatrist known for his work in psychotherapy with children, parental alienation and child custody evaluations. Gardner introduced the term Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS). He wrote 41 books and more than 200 professional journal articles and book chapters. He developed child play therapy and test materials which he published through his company Creative Therapeutics. Gardner was an expert witness in child custody cases.
Dr. William Bernet
William Bernet, M.D., a graduate of Holy Cross College, summa cum laude, and Harvard Medical School, is a professor emeritus at Vanderbilt University School of Medicine. He is board certified in general psychiatry, child psychiatry, and forensic psychiatry. As an expert in forensic psychiatry, Dr. Bernet has Page 6 of 8 testified about 300 times in 24 states. Dr. Bernet has written professional articles and book chapters on a variety of subjects, including: group and individual therapy with children and adolescents; humor in psychotherapy; forensic child psychiatry; child maltreatment; true and false allegations of abuse; satanic ritual abuse; reincarnation; child custody and visitation; parental alienation; testimony regarding behavioral genomics; and risk management. In 2007, Dr. Bernet and Judge Don R. Ash published Children of Divorce: A Practical Guide for Parents, Therapists, Attorneys, and Judges. Dr. Bernet edited Parental Alienation, DSM-5, and ICD-11, which was published in 2010. Dr. Bernet and his colleagues edited Parental Alienation: The Handbook for Mental Health and Legal Professionals, which was published in 2013. He was the founder and first president of the Parental Alienation Study Group.
Linda Gottlieb, LMFT, LCSW-R
Linda has had 40+ years education and experience providing clinical treatment services to families of all compositions, orientations, and in all developmental stages. She has treated the wide spectrum of problems, issues, and dysfunctional family interactional patterns that are challenging for families. She has expertise in emergency services that has included intensive, home-based, crisis-intervention to prevent the psychiatric hospitalization of a child. Since 2003, Linda has focused her clinical practice on families undergoing parental separation/divorce with the goal of facilitating the parents to develop a civil and respectful co-parenting relationship. This focus includes the highly specialized area of diagnosing for and treating parental alienation. Linda Gottlieb is available as an expert witness.
Signs and Symptoms of the Aforementioned Personality Disorders (Wikipedia):
Borderline Personality Disorder
(BPD) BPD is characterized by the following signs and symptoms:
Markedly disturbed sense of identity
Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment and extreme reactions
Splitting ("black-and-white" thinking)
Impulsive or reckless behaviors (e.g., impulsive or uncontrollable spending, unsafe sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)
Intense or uncontrollable emotional reactions that often seem disproportionate to the event or situation
Unstable and chaotic interpersonal relationships
Self-damaging behavior
Distorted self-image
Dissociation
Frequently accompanied by depression, anxiety, anger, substance abuse, or rage
Overall, the most distinguishing symptoms of BPD are marked sensitivity to minor rejection or criticism, alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation toward other people, and varying moods and difficulty regulating strong emotional reactions. Dangerous and impulsive behavior are also correlated with the disorder.
Other symptoms may include feeling unsure of one's personal identity, morals, and values; having paranoid thoughts when feeling stressed; depersonalization; and, in moderate to severe cases, stressinduced breaks with reality or psychotic episodes.
Antisocial Disorder
Antisocial personality disorder is defined by a pervasive and persistent disregard for morals, social norms, and the rights and feelings of others. Individuals with this personality disorder will typically have no compunction in exploiting others in harmful ways for their own gain or pleasure and frequently manipulate and deceive other people, achieving this through wit and a façade of superficial charm or through intimidation and violence. They may display arrogance, think lowly and negatively of others, and lack remorse for their harmful actions and have a callous attitude to those they have harmed. Irresponsibility is a core characteristic of this disorder: they can have significant difficulties in maintaining stable employment as well as fulfilling their social and financial obligations, and people with this disorder often lead exploitative, unlawful, or parasitic lifestyles.
Those with antisocial personality disorder are often impulsive and reckless, failing to consider or disregarding the consequences of their actions. They may repeatedly disregard and jeopardize their own safety and the safety of others and place themselves and others in danger. They are often aggressive and hostile and display a dysregulated temper and can lash out violently with provocation or frustration. Individuals are prone to substance abuse and addiction, and the abuse of various psychoactive substances is common in this population. These behaviors lead such individuals into frequent conflict with the law, and many people with ASPD have extensive histories of antisocial behavior and criminal infractions stemming back before adulthood.
Serious problems with interpersonal relationships are often seen in those with the disorder. Attachments and emotional bonds are weak, and interpersonal relationships often revolve around the manipulation, exploitation, and abuse of others. While they generally have no problems in establishing relationships, they may have difficulties in sustaining and maintaining them. Relationships with family members and relatives are often strained due to their behavior and the frequent problems that these individuals may get into.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)
People with NPD are characterized by the personality traits of persistent grandiosity, an excessive need for admiration, and a personal disdain and lack of empathy for other people. As such, the person with NPD usually displays arrogance and a distorted sense of personal superiority, and seeks to establish abusive power and control over others. Self-confidence (a strong sense of self) is a personality trait different from the traits of narcissistic personality disorder; thus, people with NPD typically value themselves over others, to the extent of openly disregarding the wishes and feelings of anyone else, and expect to be treated as superior, regardless of their actual status or achievements. Socially, the person with narcissistic personality disorder usually exhibits a fragile ego (self-concept), intolerance of criticism, and a tendency to belittle other people, in order to validate his or her own superiority.
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5, 2013) indicates that a person with NPD possesses at least five of the following nine criteria, typically without possessing the commensurate personal qualities or accomplishments for which they demand respect and status:
Grandiosity with expectations of superior treatment from other people
Continually demeaning, bullying and belittling others
Exploiting others to achieve personal gain
Lack of empathy for the negative impact they have on the feelings, wishes, and needs of other people
Fixation on fantasies of power, success, intelligence, attractiveness, etc.
Self-perception of being unique, superior, and associated with high-status people and institutions
Need for continual admiration from others
Sense of entitlement to special treatment and to obedience from others
Intense envy of others, and the belief that others are equally envious of them
Narcissistic personality disorder usually develops either in adolescence or in early adulthood; and it is common for children and adolescents to display personality traits that resemble NPD, but such occurrences are usually transient, and register below the clinical criteria for a formal diagnosis of NPD. True symptoms of NPD are pervasive, apparent in varied social situations, and are rigidly consistent over time. Severe symptoms of NPD can significantly impair the person's mental capabilities to develop meaningful human relationships, such as friendship, kinship, and marriage. Generally, the symptoms of NPD also impair the person's psychological abilities to function as a social animal, either at work, or at school, or within important societal settings. The DSM-5 indicates that, in order to qualify as symptoms of NPD, the person's manifested personality traits must substantially differ from the cultural norms of society.